Love Him Not

Here Are Some Gift Ideas For The Ones Your Porking This Holiday Of False Promises. If You Receive Another Pair Of Sexy Dice From Duane Reade I'm Assuming Your Brown Star Fish Isn't As Sweet As It Used To Be. Here Are Some Of My Favorite Things...But Unlike Oprah I'm Not Giving These Items Out For Free Baby.

This Silver Anatomical Heart Locket Can Open Any Girl's Legs......Can Be Found At Shanalogic

This Plush Heart Will Put A Smile On Anyone's Face....Available At Fredflare

This Necklace Reminds Me Of My Childhood. Not Because It's From The Disney Couture Line. But The Fact I Got Stabbed In The Heart From A Careless Lover. Sure I Was Only 5 And He Shouldn't Have Been Running With Scissors.....But He Was The Only Certified Doctor In Our Little Game.

I've Heard Of A Love Gun Before....But These Aren't The Kind Of Babies I'm Used To Seeing As Ammunition.

I Don't Enjoy People Doing Weird Things To My Food. Especially Since I Only Eat Once Every 3 Days Now. But When I Do Eat I Do Love Breakfast Foods. But These Pieces Of Jewelery Says...."Baby I Know You Love Diamonds But This Fake Waffle Comes With A Silver Spoon"

I'd Love This Much More If They Were Panties.....

Those Are Just Some Gift Ideas. Minus The Flowers,KY Jelly That Sets Your Groin On Fire And Edible Panties. I Did That Once. I Brought A Pair Of Edible Undies For My Older BF When I Was In High School. He Got Drunk, Went Into My Room Found Them With His Other Gifts....Came Out Into The Crowded Kitchen Only Wearing A Beanie And The Passion Fruit Pantalones....It Wasn't Until I Heard My GF's Screeching In Horror Did I See Him Dancing Around In My Dining Room. One Girl Started To Cry Because It Was The First White Pee Pee She Ever Saw. Bad Enough He Had Red Pubes.....Probably The Worst/BEST Present EVER! Yumm Memories.