Addicted To Garbage

I'm An Alcoholic And A Hoarder. Have You Ever Had Two Miserable Habits That Just Couldn't Be Explained? I Have So Many Knick Knack "Jars" That It's Beyond Creepy. My Hoarding Mother Is Starting To Think I'm A The Worst Living Abortion Ever. (Side Note : She Had Me At 44)

It's Like..... Okay This Particular Empty Tequila Bottle Has A Lot Of Sentimental Value.
"Does It Really?"
Yeah For What I Remember About That Bottle It Means A Lot.
"Can You Throw It Out?"
I'm Pretty Sure If You Even Pretend To Drop It I'd Attack You And Start Crying That Your Emotionally Raping My Soul As Loud As I Could. Then Black Out Without Even Drinking; From The Constant Brain-bashing I'd Be Doing To You For Touching My Stuff. Then Proceed To Tell You How Much I Love My Cats And That Your Just Lying About Your Allergies.

Shhhh Shhhh...

I Have The Proper Chemicals To Peel Off The Duct Tape Without Hurting You. But First You Have To Promise Me You'll Stop Crying. I'll Let You Live If You Just Give Me Back My Knick Knack Jar Filled With Coins I'll Never Use To Make Change, The Soda Can Keys That Ended In P's & G, Random Pieces Of Yarn And That Single Skittle From The Time I Went To See Harry Potter Chamber Of Secrets Because I Totes Touched His Pee-Knockle.....


Now That I've Grown Used To Living In Large Rooms Again. (NYC APTS BLOW) My Whole House Is Covered In Broken Sunglasses, NYC Condoms That I've Stolen From Drag Queen Bars, My Alligator Purse That I Only Have Out For Company, And My Empty Bottles Of Vitamins...Oh And It's All Covered In Cat Hair.

I'm Currently Using A Years Worth Of Star Magazines, People,Us Weekly And Times To Be The Bordering Between My Mattress And My Swedish Wooden Bed Board. I Consider That My Recycling For The Decade.

Now That I Think Of It My Drinking Has Nothing To Do With My Hoarding. I Kinda Love The Idea Of Being An Asian Hoarder With A Million Cats. It's Like I'm A CSI Victim Waiting To Happen.


But Trying To Be Sober And Trying To Throw Away A Bottle From Your 21st Birthday, Or The Best Halloween Ever, Or The Bottle Your Girlfriend Stole From Paris Hilton's Hamptons House Just For You.....It's Just Painful. I'm Seriously Afraid I'll Hurt Someone Trying To Get Rid Of It. Then Sit In My House Crying Listening To The Virgins As The Dead Body Of The Social Worker That's Been Working With Me To Clean My House Is Laying On The Floor....(Um I Hope Your Not Reading This We Still Have An Appointment Tomorrow At 3 O'Clock)

Purse Shot On A Light Day

Street Hoarding

From My Twitter Account, Blackberry, Purses And Bedrooms There's An Excessive Amount Of Signs Of My Hoarding. I Favorite Tweets That I'm Pretty Positive I'll Never Go Back And Read. (But The Idea That I Could Is Comforting.)



I Have Pictures Of Fonda Saved On My Phone Just So I Can Stare At His Beautiful Hair Because It's So Magical To Me At 7 AM When I Can't Sleep. My Purse Is Filled With 8 Lipsticks Majority The Shade Of Candy Pink. 4 Lighters Because I Can Never Find The One I Need. Oh And Not To Mention The Receipts I Never Throw Out Because I Need To Know What Time I Went To Starbucks Or Something.

I Literally Still Have My Broken Camera From High School, My Favorite D&G Cell Phone, Paint Brushes I've Never Used, Feathers, Glitter,Beads For My 3 Bead Kits, And The Rest Of My Unfinished Crafts I Started In The Summer Of 2005. Because I Was Smoking A Lot Of Pot And Thought I Could Become Some Hippy Artst That Sold Bracelets Out Of My Trunk. Instead I Flipped My Car. Which Was A Sign From Buddha That I Should Stop Stealing Stupid Shit From Michaels And Pearl When I Should Be Focusing On The More Important Things Like Oral Sex And Joint Rolling Because At The End Of The Night You Should Be Able To Provide Something Besides Pussy.

But Not All Hoarding Is Awful. In Times Of War, Snowapocalypse Or Baby Sitting Several Jewish Teens.....Hoarding Comes In Handy. You May Call Me An Excessive Hoarding Monster But I Like To Think Of It An Intense Collecting Habit. The Word Pack Rat Is Offensive.



Now I Have The Biggest Steps Ahead Of Me.....What Tv Show Do I Want To Be Exploited On Just For A Few Moments OF GLORRRRYYY!

One Fish,Two Fish, Red Fish......

I Recently Got Rid of My Little Mermaid Hair. It Was Beyond Difficult For Me But It Was a Necessary Change To Get Me Outta Of My Funk. The Disney Classic Was a Staple In My Childhood Days. My Sister And Our Friends Would Pick Our Characters On The Sunday Morning After a Sleep Over. After The Pancakes and Milk We'd Get Our Sleeping Bags Around The Television Set And Perform As Ariel,Ursula and Sebastian. I Was Always Ariel and My Older Sister Was Ursula. (Especially When Ursula Becomes a Babe) Redheads Have Aroused Me For Decades But Ariel Just Really Got My Engine Going Every Time.



A Few Years Ago I Was Driving To The Store, I Was Skipping Through a Boat Load Radio Stations Then This One Radio Show Caught My Attention. After Arriving At My Destination, I Sat in My Champagne Colored Cruiser For 20 mins During That Hot Sticky Summer Day.


I Was So Wrapped Up In This Story. It Was About A College Student From Columbia University From The Early 90's The Pre-Internet Era.( Uggghh I Shutter To Imagine Such an Awful Place.....)Like Most Colleges Of It's Day Columbia Had a Voicemail System For Each Of It's Students. There Was a Voicemail Message That Became Infamous Across The Land In The 90's. Now This DiscJockey Wouldn't Play The Message But Continues To Blow Up It's Notoriety For a Quarter of an Hour. This Voicemail Became So Popular That Kids Had Made Remixes Of It, 12 Minute Long House Music Trance Songs Dedicated To It and a Whole Variety Show Was Inspired By It. This Radio Journalist Even Hunted Down Some Graduates Of Columbia To Ask Them About The Tape In Question. Most Started To Laugh Or Giggle While Reminiscing About Their Good Ole College Years.
He Eventually Found The Original Owner Of The Voicemail.

The Voicemail Goes Like This "You And The Little Mermaid Can Both Go Fuck Ya Selves...I Can't Find Your Books I Think There In La Hoya....BYEEEEEEE"Jonathan Goldstein Had Said "Bitch Squealer" And For Some Dominatrix Reasoning....I Had To Listen. To Here The Radio Show Click Here.

Now The Little Mermaid Has A Lot More Meaning To Me Then It Did As a Child. Sometimes There Are Some People Outside Of My Inner Circle That Know Of This Columbia Urban Legend And I'm So Thankful To The Joy It's Brought Me Over The Years.


Just Like The Movie and The Radio Show...My Mermaid Hair Had Brought Me Much Joy and Satisfactions. Now Without It I Feel Like The Mighty Samson I Have Fallen Without My Hair Which Had Blessed Me With Strength, Courage and Good Fortune. Damn You. Now I Feel Naked, Alone, Confused and Lost. Just Like Spring Break 2004 When I Woke Up Naked In The Woods From a Black Out.


The Following Will Be Fan Art Of The Little Mermaid And Photos Of Myself As Ariel/Jessica Rabbit On The Streets































This Is My Favorite Part of The Whole Movie That's Non Mermaid Related.









Please Read My Other Blog About Redheaded Cartoons Here